Andrew Lambdin-Abraham (kd5mdk) wrote,
Andrew Lambdin-Abraham

Rush, hurry, vacation is almost upon you!

Gotta get everything together for my Easter break trip. I'll be dropping off LJ, most likely, and probably from everything. I may checkin once or twice, but that's probably it, for some time. Plan is to leave Thursday afternoon for Queenstown, overnight there, then go on to Wanaka for the full weekend and Warbirds over Wanaka. Then on Monday I'll be to the West Coast to hopefully meet my friend Bill and his friend. I have no real idea what happens after that. Hopefully, we get to explore the South Island together. If that doesn't work, I'll bus around to a few places and then return home. Hmm... Milford Sound, Greymouth, Franz Josef? Invercargill? Nelson? No idea where I'm going, really.

By Patrick Hruby

One's a monolithic juggernaut bent on universal domination, one
ill-gotten acquisition at a time. The other two are the former Soviet Union
and the Galactic Empire from "Star Wars." But which fearsome, loathsome
outfit is truly the Evil-est Empire of all? It's time for a

Economic system

Yankees: Aggressively capitalist.

USSR: Aggressively communist.

Galactic Empire: Aggressively filling George Lucas' coffers.

Winner: Yanks. It's the American way.

Notable first

Yankees: $180 million-plus payroll.

USSR: Sputnik, Yuri Gagarin

Galactic Empire: SFX-laden blockbuster with the depth of a comic book.

Winner: Yanks. With that amount of cash, they could send Brian Cashman
to Mars. In a Tie Fighter.

Weapons of mass destruction

Yankees: 1-9 on the lineup card.

USSR: Enough SS-19s to turn North America into a giant windshield.

Galactic Empire: Death Star I.

Winner: Yanks. Let's see Death Star, ICBMs hit for power and average.

Sunny side

Yankees: Jeter-Steinbrenner Visa ads.

USSR: Glasnost and Perestroika.

Galactic Empire: Darth Vader choking — but not killing — another
incompetent general.

Winner: Empire. Visa ads played out; "Glasnost" sounds like beef stew.

Inspirational text

Yankees: Steinbrenner's checkbook.

USSR: Das Kapital.

Galactic Empire: 1,001 Star Wars spinoff "novels."

Winner: Yanks. Apparently bottomless.

Biggest whiff

Yankees: Drew Henson.

USSR: Afghanistan.

Galactic Empire: "The Phantom Menace."

Winner: Empire. "Yipeee!"

Fashion quirk

Yankees: Pinstripes.

USSR: That blotch on Gorbachev's forehead.

Galactic Empire: Wearing plastic helmets 24-7.

Winner: Soviets. Yanks classic; Empire kinky; Gorby inexplicable.

Stickin' it to a rival

Yankees: Signing A-Rod after Red Sox balked at price.

USSR: Propping up Castro.

Galactic Empire: Striking down Obi-Wan.

Winner: Yanks. Denying Boston not just a job but a way of life.

Fearsome slugger

Yankees: Gary Sheffield.

USSR: Ivan Drago.

Galactic Empire: Imperial Walkers.

Winner: None. Be it bad thumb, Balboa or bungee cords, all can be

Puppet regimes

Yankees: New York media.

USSR: Warsaw Pact.

Galactic Empire: Cloud City.

Winner: Soviets. Brought Czechs, Slovaks together.

Prodigal son

Yankees: David Wells.

USSR: Yakov Smirnoff.

Galactic Empire: Boba Fett.

Winner: Soviets. Can Fett, Wells boast own variety stage show in
Branson, Mo.?

Bandwagon fan

Yankees: Hilary Clinton.

USSR: Jane Fonda.

Galactic Empire: Lando Calrissian, after he sold out Han.

Winner: Empire. Billy Dee never backed Viet Cong, flawed national
health care system.

Morbid curiosity

Yankees: Monument Park.

USSR: Lenin's Tomb.

Galactic Empire: Adult costume play at "Star Wars" conventions.

Winner: Empire. Nothing creepier than a 300-pound woman in a Princess
Leia "Jedi"-style leather bikini.


Yankees: Roger Clemens.

USSR: Mikhail Baryshnikov.

Galactic Empire: Vader, tossing the Emperor in a really big ditch.

Winner: Yanks. Also backstabbed Red Sox, Blue Jays.

Inadvertently supports

Yankees: Spendthrift teams that dip into the luxury tax pot.

USSR: United States' military-industrial complex.

Galactic Empire: Production of "Howard the Duck."

Winner: Empire. Why couldn't Eisenhower warn us about Lucas' lame

Curious shrinkage

Yankees: Jason Giambi.

USSR: Post-Cold War breakup.

Galactic Empire: The Imperial Army's awe-inspiring might, when
confronted by Ewoks.

Winner: Yanks. South Beach diet prohibits sugars, BALCO supplements.

Deadly in short bursts

Yankees: Mariano Rivera.

USSR: AK-47.

Galactic Empire: Lucas' hamfisted dialogue.

Winner: Empire. So brutal, Amnesty International should get involved.

Signature toy

Yankees: Bobbleheads.

USSR: Nesting dolls.

Galactic Empire: Action figures.

Winner: Yanks. Everyone loves bobbleheads. Right?

Trash talk

Yankees: "The magnitude of me."

USSR: "The dustbin of history."

Galactic Empire: "If you only knew the power of the Dark Side."

Winner: Soviets. Of course, they ended up in it.

One shining moment

Yankees: Aaron Boone's homer.

USSR: Battle of Stalingrad.

Galactic Empire: Vader batting away Han's blaster fire with the palm
of his hand.

Winner: Empire. Total ownage.

All bark, no bite

Yankees: Against Arizona, Anaheim, Florida.

USSR: Cuban Missile Crisis.

Galactic Empire: Death Star II.

Winner: Yanks. And they were supposed to "know how to win."

Reason to panic

Yankees: "Now on the mound ... Josh Beckett."

USSR: "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down that wall."

Galactic Empire: "Use the force, Luke."

Winner: None. Bad news is bad news.

Structural weakness

Yankees: Bankrupt pitching.

USSR: Bankrupt economy.

Galactic Empire: Ventilation shafts.

Winner: Empire. Slap some plywood over it, for heaven's sake!

Surprisingly good at

Yankees: Petty disputes that keep their games off certain cable

USSR: Producing chess champions.

Galactic Empire: Sounding British.

Winner: Yanks. Not an easy thing in the 400-channel era.

Secret shame

Yankees: Don't win it all every year.

USSR: State-issued toilet paper chafes.

Galactic Empire: Storm troopers can't shoot straight.

Winner: Empire. Shaquille O'Neal more accurate from the line.

Final tally: Ben Affleck is right! The Yanks are the most evil
empire of all, edging out the Galactic Empire 10-9. Nyet to the Russkies!
No to the Dark Side! Cower before the pinstripe.

This is quite funny: Autoweapons for Grad Students. Not what a lot of my friends list is about, but that does sound like a lot of CS guys I know.

Just for norabombay
scroll to bottom

Britney Spears put on quite a show for some radio execs.

The singer gave a private performance to some industry insiders after one of her concerts in Miami, says a source, where her ample bosom popped out of her skimpy top.

“It was a wardrobe malfunction,” chuckles the insider. “But unlike Janet Jackson’s, no one was saying it was intentional. The flashbulbs really went off.”

Spears’ rep didn’t return calls for comment.

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