July 14th, 2005

Jazz & Me

Things People are no longer allowed to do $where

Many people are familiar with Skippy's List, 213 Things Specialist Schwartz is no longer allowed to do in the Army.
(Yes, he's real, and I'm apparently 2 degrees from him)

Well, some people (dejiko, desert_vixen, daveamongus?) have found this... inspirational.

So, I present the page Skippy Central, which contains the (made up) things that:

* D&D Dwarf Skippy
* Star Trek Chief Skippy
* Reverend Skippy
* Professor Skippy (teacher really)
* Skippy Claus
* Superhero Skippy

are no longer allowed to do. A short sample:

Dwarf Skippy:
Elf ears do not require sharpening.

If it looked like a duck, quacked like a duck, and tasted like a duck, but had a collar indicating it’s sacred to a local goddess, we should skip dessert and start running.

Star Trek Skippy:

During a battle, it is wrong to refer to reports from Damage Control Central as 'more whining from the pessimists.'

It’s a ‘sensor sweep,’ not ‘googling the troposphere’ whatever that means..

It is enough to report that the “Bird Of Prey” on sensors is Romulan or Klingon, not speculate on whether it’s African or European, nor estimate of how many coconuts it could carry.

When the senior bridge officer quotes Shakespeare to an alien, it is not a good time to discuss the possibility Mallory really wrote the plays.

Teacher Skippy:

I can use military time in the classroom, to open up student minds to new ways of looking at things, but I cannot post grades in hexidecimal. (“Sir? I got a 5E on my test...is that good?)

The Math Department cannot secede from the rest of the school.

Seeing Eye Parrots are not approved for classroom use.

Not allowed to teach that the song ‘Henry the 8th I am I am’ comes from a Shakespeare play.

Reverend Skippy:

Everyone is comfortable with the 10 commandments. My skill with binary does not make it easier for anyone in the congregation to like the 1010 Commandments.

The Articles of Faith do not include the phrase ‘in a blaze of glory.’

The wages of sin are NOT ‘heaps and heaps of slightly smelly cash.’

Finally, there's a new source of truer sounding stuff. This is a list of things someone else has learned in the Submarine Service:


It includes some actual explanations of the circumstances of some, too.

Hope y'all giggle as much as I did.